01
Mar
09

why me??

Denial Is A Wonderful Thing – All Stretched Out – The Idiot Time Thief

Todays time for the 8.68 miles was a shocking 86 mins and 48 secs although I am going to put it down as approximately the same as my last run and say it was around the 79min mark. And here’s why…

Having bumbled around the house this morning, making breakfast, dressing children etc., I left the house later than anticipated and set off in a bit of a rush. It was only after a couple of miles that I realised that I had been in so much of a rush that I hadn’t warmed up or been on the foam roller this morning and that my legs were feeling less than special. After 3 miles or so, the legs definitely weren’t working properly so I had a 5 minute “stretch and stroll” to get rid of the niggly little pains and the burning that was beginning to manifest in my calves.

Once I was all stretched and happy, I set off again and felt much better – the legs were doing what they were told and I was feeling positively fluid. Everything seemed to be great until about the seven and a half mile mark. As I am running up the street and mentally preparing to pick up the pace for the last mile, I see a lady, mid-fifties, riding towards me on a pushbike, who has just spotted me and pulled over to the side of the road. She appears to be trying to catch my eye and appears to want to ask me a question. I stop and on closer inspection she is wearing a pink cycle helmet and matching pink framed glasses – Mmmm. From this point onwards we shall refer to her as “the pushbike imbecile”.

The Pushbike Imbecile beckons me over, gestures that I remove my earphones and…

PBI: “Excuse me, do you know the way to the garden centre from here?”
ME: “Yes, it’s back that way. You’re heading in the wrong direction.”
PBI:(indignantly) “No, I’m not!”

Now at this point, the absurdity of her last comment is lost on her, but not on me. Surely, if she is asking me if I know how to get to the garden centre, it implies she is at least unsure of where it is. So how would she know that she wasn’t going in the wrong direction, still…

ME: “You need to turn around and go back up this street, left at this roundabout, right at the next, down West Street and then carry straight on for about 2 miles”

She looks at me with the sort of vacant expression only the truly clueless can muster.

PBI: “Where?”
ME: “Back up this road, left at the roundabout…”
PBI:”Is that due East?”

At this point, I was speechless and losing both patience and the will to live so recounted v – e – r – y
s – l – o – w – l – y how she should get herself to West Street. I reckoned if she could at least get herself that far, she can annoy someone else for directions once she’s there.

So, having stolen approximately 3 minutes of my life, I estimate that 3 mins plus the 5 mins of stretching mean I was averaging about 9mins and 5 seconds per mile for my run, Yippee again!

Bringing the total for this week to 23 and a half miles and only one imbecile. Not bad going…

Soundtrack to this post: Blank Expression – The Specials

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